pull on my heart

i don't get you.
i don't see what you see in her that is so precious that you question our friendship.
you put her on a pedestal.
you are so considerate of her feelings. what she thinks...
you ask her to ride with you.
you tend to her needs
you miss her.
yet, you still question ours. i was there to pick up the pieces she left. when she stopped talking to you, when she didn't care, when she was sick of you, when she was annoyed, i took over.
but of course you would listen to her words so intently and brush mine aside.
who do you think i am, that i would just tell her everything about us? did it occur to you that she asked? it wasn't even in her damn place to be mad at you. it wasn't her place to be hurt. it wasn't her place to judge the decision that i made. i told her that your friendship and hers have nothing to do with us. i needed her to be okay for me, because i was okay. at that time you were it for me, so at that time and still till today i am okay with the decision i made. so why was she still angry at you? the only one who should be angry is ME.
you confuse me so much. making moves and then blowing up in my face. did it not occur to you that people don't get along with you because of you? of course not.
i'm done picking up her pieces. she never liked you... she never thought of you as her best friend... DEAL WITH IT. that was a one way street- friendship... where you are chasing her, but you go on ahead. by the time you decide to make a turn to a two way street you probably will miss it.
how did this happen huh?--- "We are the two way street of the Nile River" our friendship was suppose to last a long time. but no, i guess it should end here i wanted to be friends, but you make things difficult and i HATE it. i would never admit that i loved you... but you still have a damn pull on my heart... no matter the shitty things you do. no matter all the fucked up things you say, i stay and i have to stop because i can't fix you. i want you to stop being selfish.
i feel used by you. i feel abused by you. i feel like i can never let you go because what we had was so special to me... but i guess it wasn't the same for you. i hold your friendship so close to my heart, but you don't appreciate me. you obviously price her friendship as a higher value than mine. --- i feel stupid...