far from here

im sick and emotionally drained... my head is throbbing, i can't breathe, my whole body aches and youre not here... i dont even know why im even thinking about this.... i just thought out of all people you would be here to make me feel better, but youre not... of course you wouldn't. Im so foolish to think that you would... so i'm trying to distance myself...because its what i do, when i know youre about to hurt me, i distance myself... so what is so confusing because you making me confuse makes me want to distance myself further than where i am now... i've told you everything, my feelings my thoughts, and i can't convince you so i'm running and don't chase after me because i'm running my feelings away... away from my heart, away from you, away from me... i questioned everything i believed for you... im willing to stand up to my parents for you and you obviously don't know how its a huge deal for me becuase you are so caught up with what you think and your feelings, i don't think you've considered mine... i've asked you 3 times already... so im not asking again... because you keep on telling me the same damn things so im at a halt. you said you like me... its been 2 years and you still don't know me... you don't know if you want to be with me.... you want to be with someone whose lightweight your best friend... well i think you've found someone perfect already.... so let me step aside and stop making me look foolish. because i feel foolish to have thought anything more... if you just wanted to prove that you can get me... congrats you got me and now that you have me you don't want me, so i don't want you... how about that, im through compromising with you ... so there. wasabi. there it is. and if you ever ask me whats changed, i finally saw how great of a person you are, i considered you as one of my closest friends, i looked up to your opinions on things, i liked laughing with you, and you took a piece of my heart when i cried that one day in riverside and you sat on my bed to comfort me... i figured no one could comfort me better than you...

I think I left a piece of my heart....in a dresser -GabeBondoc

So, I guess I can't have what I want...
It amazes me to see that there are still stereotypical thinking people like my family around. You think after all the things we have faced as Asians in America they would not be so blind as to judge other races... as for me I am so OVER IT!! If I like a guy, or if I am attracted to a guy of a different race, it isn't allowed.... WELL WHAT IS?
Asians, Asians, Asians, all I'm allowed to look at are Asians... Marry an Asian guy, Love an Asian guy, Have ASIAN Babies... well NEWS FLASH!!--- If there is an asian guy out there for me, you will be the first to know, if there is an asian guy for me I will marry him, but what is so wrong about liking another race? what is so wrong with being attracted to a great white/ black/ hispanic/ mixed man? apparently I AM NOT ALLOWED... so now what am I suppose to do?
You tell me that i should be open with you about guys... how can i be when i can't even speak about a guy i potentially like of a different race? i mention hes white... phone goes silent. i say he likes basketball, you ask if hes black. How do you know if he isn't my type unless you give him a chance. how would you ever understand me unless you get to know them? obviously if i like them i see a little of me inside of them, and i wish you could see the same. IM NOT DUMB! yes okay i do go for the bad boys... but intelligent ones, who i know will treat me right. what are you going to do disown me?
you have berny to have asian babies... from my track record you should know by now that the likelyhood of me being with an asian is about 10% so... all im saying is GET USE TO IT!!!