far from here

im sick and emotionally drained... my head is throbbing, i can't breathe, my whole body aches and youre not here... i dont even know why im even thinking about this.... i just thought out of all people you would be here to make me feel better, but youre not... of course you wouldn't. Im so foolish to think that you would... so i'm trying to distance myself...because its what i do, when i know youre about to hurt me, i distance myself... so what is so confusing because you making me confuse makes me want to distance myself further than where i am now... i've told you everything, my feelings my thoughts, and i can't convince you so i'm running and don't chase after me because i'm running my feelings away... away from my heart, away from you, away from me... i questioned everything i believed for you... im willing to stand up to my parents for you and you obviously don't know how its a huge deal for me becuase you are so caught up with what you think and your feelings, i don't think you've considered mine... i've asked you 3 times already... so im not asking again... because you keep on telling me the same damn things so im at a halt. you said you like me... its been 2 years and you still don't know me... you don't know if you want to be with me.... you want to be with someone whose lightweight your best friend... well i think you've found someone perfect already.... so let me step aside and stop making me look foolish. because i feel foolish to have thought anything more... if you just wanted to prove that you can get me... congrats you got me and now that you have me you don't want me, so i don't want you... how about that, im through compromising with you ... so there. wasabi. there it is. and if you ever ask me whats changed, i finally saw how great of a person you are, i considered you as one of my closest friends, i looked up to your opinions on things, i liked laughing with you, and you took a piece of my heart when i cried that one day in riverside and you sat on my bed to comfort me... i figured no one could comfort me better than you...