traffic

TRAFFIC
by Marie Digby

This is the third time this week
That I find myself wandering down your street
And I can't seem to give it up.
And I've even stopped making these excuses
For why you're stuck here in my thoughts
When it's been long enough.
And I try to keep myself moving,
But I'm not going anywhere.

I wait in the same spot
Brain like a parking lot
You're the traffic in my head
You're the reason that I'm wrecked
I pray for it to stop
Like rain on the sidewalk
The traffic in my head
You're the traffic in my head
There's just too much to forget

Guess I should be happy now
Everything is back to how it was
Before you came around
I'm already changing
I've even tried to find a new distraction
But still you surround
As if it's not hard enough
And I try to keep myself moving
But I'm not getting anywhere

I wait in the same spot
Brain like a parking lot
You're the traffic in my head
You're the reason that I'm wrecked
I pray for it to stop
Like rain on the sidewalk
The traffic in my head
You're the traffic in my head

A part of me thinks that I'm going crazy
The world's spinning
My vision is hazy
And none of this makes any sense
I never meant for this to end
I can do what I have to do...
If I could only get around you

I wait in the same spot
Brain like a parking lot
You're the traffic in my head
You're the reason that I'm wrecked
I pray for it to stop
Like rain on the sidewalk
The traffic in my head
You're the traffic in my head
There's just too much to forget

stuck.

Stuck, in the zone everyone dreads to be in. I watched Just Another Nice Guy, a movie by Wong Fu Productions. I realized sadly. I’m just another “nice girl”. In a perfect world where nice guys finish first, I would still probably finish 10^th. I’m always stuck in the friend zone, the friend category, the NOT TO DATE LIST!

I’m the girl you turn to when something goes wrong in the relationship. I’m the girl who you joke around with. I’m the girl who will always be there, no matter how many times you screw over. The girl who sees the good in you. The girl who has full faith in you. The girl who always offers help without any hesitation. The girl who is proud of you. The girl who wishes all your dreams will come true. The girl who doesn’t want to see you hurt. The girl who will make you laugh. The girl you can count on and on and on over again.

I’m going to always be the answer you know is right, but never took the chance to guess on. I’m your back up plan. But one day you will realize that I am the girl you cannot be without. Because the truth of the matter is, I’m the girl you want to turn to. The girl you want to make proud. The girl you know will always be there. But once the time has passed and everything is said and done I might be the girl who won’t be there anymore.

I won’t be the girl you can have 24/7. I’m might just be the girl you look back and regret not taking the second look at. The best you never had.

Bur for now. Foolish me. I can’t change who I am, so I’m going to always be… just another nice girl. I refuse to change myself; the person who I am today is the girl that I will always be. And I’m okay if I finish last, because I hope that I can be that one precious thing in your life that you can know will never change.There is only one Bea in this world and you can’t find her anywhere else.